Matthew Grant

Panthera Leo

The other night I was sitting outside quite pissed off. My boyfriend and I hadn’t been getting along all day and I was pretty upset. Mondays are just not fun sometimes! Anyways, I was sitting there thinking about how I wanted to write about all my negative feelings and how mad I was and all that dramatic bullshit. The catharsis I had just before I put the ink on the page was that I never want to write about anything negative. I don’t want to have bad thoughts to write out. Therefore, to ease into a new more inspired, happier approach I simply decided to paint something for Brandon, not write negative things against him.
The truth is that I am completely in love and happy. There are some hard days, but its usually because of something else that neither of us have any control over. Brandon is a Leo and he employs many of the traits of a Leo. This led me to create this piece for him, ev

Panthera Leo

The other night I was sitting outside quite pissed off. My boyfriend and I hadn’t been getting along all day and I was pretty upset. Mondays are just not fun sometimes! Anyways, I was sitting there thinking about how I wanted to write about all my negative feelings and how mad I was and all that dramatic bullshit. The catharsis I had just before I put the ink on the page was that I never want to write about anything negative. I don’t want to have bad thoughts to write out. Therefore, to ease into a new more inspired, happier approach I simply decided to paint something for Brandon, not write negative things against him.
The truth is that I am completely in love and happy. There are some hard days, but its usually because of something else that neither of us have any control over. Brandon is a Leo and he employs many of the traits of a Leo. This led me to create this piece for him, ev

Panthera Leo

The other night I was sitting outside quite pissed off. My boyfriend and I hadn’t been getting along all day and I was pretty upset. Mondays are just not fun sometimes! Anyways, I was sitting there thinking about how I wanted to write about all my negative feelings and how mad I was and all that dramatic bullshit. The catharsis I had just before I put the ink on the page was that I never want to write about anything negative. I don’t want to have bad thoughts to write out. Therefore, to ease into a new more inspired, happier approach I simply decided to paint something for Brandon, not write negative things against him.
The truth is that I am completely in love and happy. There are some hard days, but its usually because of something else that neither of us have any control over. Brandon is a Leo and he employs many of the traits of a Leo. This led me to create this piece for him, even though it resides within my journal.

     I was all dressed to go for a run when I hear rumor that my mother is about to head to the grocery store. This is a big deal. There hasn’t really been any food at my house for a few days. Also, I know that if my mother goes to the grocery store, she will buy the most disgusting, worst for you, uneconomical food that she possibly can. It’s not really her fault, she just has two children (Zoe and Sarah) who have grown up that way. I guess that is her fault though…both of my sisters eat HORRIBLY. Yesterday we were out of groceries, so my mom went to Taco Bell. They constantly eat fast food, extremely low quality meats and cheeses, and frozen dairy sweets like ice cream. Eggs and other high cholesterol foods are also staples such as butter. My Step Father, Steve, is a diabetic with other very serious health conditions. Why my mother lets him eat that way, I have no idea. Why she lets her two growing girls is an even bigger mystery.

      So I figure, hey, I might as well go and try and help her make the best decisions for the bank and the body. When we arrive she places about 5 different kinds of fresh produce into the cart and begins to walk away. This includes only three heads of iceberg lettuce. This sort of pisses me off because the main staple of my diet is vegetables and when she only buys shit that everyone eats its just annoying because then in a few days I’m left drinking water and fucking starving. So fuck this. I gotta move the fuck out and get some foodstamps.

                                  The rain sounds like a washing machine.

  I really haven’t been writing as much as I should be. The truth is that I have been concentrated on other projects, mostly the visual arts. The other half of the matter is that I’ve been too lazy to log onto Tumblr and crank something out. Tonight’s thoughts do not come from my need to write something on Tumblr, but because of some other strange circumstances.

     About five months ago I met my current boyfriend Brandon at a Crystal Castles concert. I just realized how hipster fag this makes me sound. Fuck.

     Anyways. About five months ago I finally meet him after a shit load of text and emails and picture messages back and forth. I met him at a concert, and a week later I was IMing him incessantly.

“BRANDON!” I said on facebook chat.

“MATTHEW!” He replied.

“Come over today! Lets hangout!”

“I can’t I have class”

     That really didn’t matter to me. It didn’t take much coercing and Brandon Higgins was on his way to my house. Ever since then, I just cannot get this guy off my mind. See, when I say it like that you have no idea how it is. You cannot even fathom my feelings for this individual. My soul mate. My lover. My partner. My best friend. It’s fucking crazy to me that some guy that I picked off of Myspace years ago eventually came to be my future husband. The universe works in very precise ways I have begun to see. The truth is that work produces results. No matter what. That is something that Brandon has helped me realize. In fact, Brandon Higgins is indefinitely my muse.

     A Muse can also be called a genius. This is usually a spirit or separate entity that helps guide you into creation. This is exactly what I have now. It feels amazing. We quit smoking 4 days ago! FOUR DAYS! HOLY SHIT! THIS IS IT! I feel like that is a thought I have a lot about Brandon. “This is it!” That could sound negative, but its quite the contrary! I think about how wonderful it is that I have found exactly what I have always wanted, and now I get to start my life. “This is it” isn’t something thats said about Brandon, its something that is said to him, a statement declaring that this is the merging of lives- true will, true love.

     We have been through a lot together already. “I have learned so much”, to quote Brandon.

     There are times when I am so in awe of my life. I just can’t stand it. I cry. I cry a lot even though no tears come out. Happiness abounds.

     In closing, there just isn’t much else to say in this really. I guess I’m just typing this to talk to myself about the whole thing…it has been a whirlwind and its easy to get lost and lose the days when you are this infatuated. I want to always appreciate and love to my fullest. I want to take the time to reflect on the relationship. What is funny is that I could type all day, and yet my words could never fully reflect how I feel. Neither could song or dance. Love is unexplainable, but when you are in it, you just know.

93!